London, Dec 2013
When I started to write this book, the goal was to focus on the mind which is our rich and inexhaustible centre, without which we cannot survive. The mind is the book where we write our own history, is a means that makes available an infinite number of pages and often after every chapter it is possible to start a new story, which it is not necessarily connected to the first story. There may be the same characters, similar locations, but the mind is vast and carries with it an extraordinary power to change us without changing the history of the past event but only our perception and wisdom that we need to continue in the new chapters.
Do not go to graze where others push you, but create your own garden…
I decided one day to learn the story of my past by heart. After numerous attempts to forget my past and sometimes even to deny it, one day I started to become conscious that this was not the right way to liberate myself from my past. I felt the ease from unloading the burden, only when I decided to accept my story and to forgive all of those who laid heavy burden on my past. The first were my parents; no matter how I felt, they still decided to get divorced, and that event that not only devastated them, but also it shook me and my little brother. After this trauma, nobody laid their eyes and us, listened to us, or provided us with an affectionate cessation. The past history of our childhood was written by them and we as children had no other choice but to let things happen. One day when I grew up and I became responsible to take my own history into my hands, I looked back and I felt a lot of pain. I had to make a decision, to let the pain of my past defeat me, become weight that I would carry around, which would hold me back, or I had to move forward and start to write a new chapter. The thing I did was I met face-to-face with my past and the journey I took to visit all of its dark roots. This was the only way I could believe it myself and the past would never deny me my history, regardless of how it was written. Only this way I was able to face the people who had hurt me and find strength to forgive them. Because I understood that only by forgiving them I would be able to be liberated from the past even though on this journey it may be that I will meet the same people. In chapters that I started writing, I did not leave out the characters of my past, simply, I assigned the roles to them and dictated their positions they held against me.
Where should I leave my memories?
I made my suitcase ready.
The veil my mother bought, when she sent me as a bride,
I put it on my head.
I nicely folded the blouse that I bought when I started a new job.
Red, that sparks the cold blood of the years being unemployed.
Always and everywhere I will need a job.
I did not think long, not even for my light sweater which used to soften my tension on many dark nights.
I will need it again.
I will even need my wide coat.
It covered my unwanted body parts,
every time I felt guilty about my extra pounds.
I will take my high heels.
They made me taller and more mature as I learned how to walk,
keeping my balance.
I will take everything that I need,
even the pencil with which I have expressed my latest secrets,
even the photographs that uncover a few moments of happiness.
There have been good memories,
I made some space for them also in a suitcase.
But how can I leave the bitter out?
No matter where I go my past will follow me.
Where can I go to hide away from it?
– Mirela Sula –
From the book, “Return to Self”
To acknowledge the past does not mean to give up when facing it but to feel the pain and the loss that the past has written in the book of your history. With acceptance comes the freedom, allowing us to move forward, the potential of our present and the possibility for future freedom from emotional pain. Do you often believe that life is a book where sometimes it has nice chapters and sometimes painful chapters? In many cases we do not know what the new chapter will bring about; therefore, if we do not pass the page, then we will never know what is waiting for us, nor will we know the end. However, many people do not want to know the end; it is their right to decide if they want to pass to the next page or if they want to close the book without reading it to the end. There are cases where the continuing on the path will face us with painful memories, and to walk through them it means to face them. Of course this is not easy if we decide to face the pages of the past we will have to forgive, and forgiveness is a process that requires courage. In my job I have met many people who are unable to forgive because to do this it requires great mental power, to allow to open all chapters and analyze their meaning in order. There are people who are unable to endure this process.